Today was a great day! Sarah has been in a good mood all day and has helped out in the house some, too! I scheduled wake up time for 9 today, instead of 8, hoping the girls wouldn't get so tired midday. I'm not sure if it is because they stayed busy all day, but no one crawled into bed for a nap today :) Sarah still had some problems getting up on time, but we did get her up and she took a shower (I didn't make her wash her hair...she washed it yesterday and it was getting late today). She also ate breakfast, brushed her hair and teeth, and made her bed (more than I got done today, in those areas!).
I was hoping to do some school today, but we ended up spending the day doing "Home Ec." Sarah unloaded the dishwasher, mopped the kitchen and hallway, and did some reorganizing in her room. Allison was the cleaning powerhouse today--kitchen, playroom, den, sweeping--go Allison! I wish I could stay as focused on-task as she does!
Once Sarah had had enough of house-cleaning, she took some time out and watched tv for the evening. I had to take Allison to Dance Underground rehearsal and asked Sarah to go with me...um, nope. Wasn't happening. She was comfy on the couch in her jammies. Alan was able to come home before Community Group and be here with Sarah for a bit. His plan was to take Sarah with him to CG, but she was still too comfy and enjoying her tv show. He went ahead and left and let me know that she was home alone, but was doing ok. I had made a quick stop at the mall to pick up some shoes for our trip. I called her on my way home to check on her and she was still doing ok. Not sure if she was happy about me calling her to check on her--I wonder if it's making her feel like a baby? It's going to be a LONG time before we're comfortable leaving her alone.
Since I knew she was doing ok, and I knew my schedule for tomorrow would be crazy, I ran to Kroger and picked up my prescriptions. I did say a prayer for her safety as I drove by the neighborhood, though! I was back home quickly and there she was, still laying on the couch watching her show. Phew! I fixed her some dinner (leftover spaghetti). Apparently, someone has told her that eating tomato sauce would help clear her sinuses, so she decided she wanted sauce on her spaghetti. She ate about 3/4 of it and was "sauced out." I can't tell you the last time she ate spaghetti sauce! She said she was full and didn't finish her spaghetti. A while later, Alan came home with some leftover CFA chicken nuggets. She was suddenly hungry again and had a few chicken nuggets. She got after Allison for eating the last few nuggets, but I told Allison to tell her that Sarah had already had dinner and was full. I suggested that Sarah could have some frozen chicken nuggets, but Sarah said she wanted CFA chicken nuggets. Oh, well.
Sarah then came and took her medicine on her own and then went upstairs to get ready for bed, right on time! Yay, Sarah! I reminded her that she needs to brush her hair and teeth and she said, "Ok." No complaints or arguing! Yay! Now, if I could only get Allison to go up to get ready ;) We are making progress, though!
OK, I've got Allison in bed now. Sarah was asleep before 11 (and it's a melatonin-free night!). Wonder if she actually DID brush her hair and teeth? Still need to work on following up with that! Allison is in bed going to sleep now, too (11:52). Alan, of course, is asleep. Me? Hoping to be in bed before 1, but we'll see...
2 more days till I leave. Hmmm....
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Day 9
Today was yet another good day...not because everything went perfectly, though, but because Sarah handled things rather well. We did have to get up earlier today than yesterday. I think Sarah was up by 8:30. She had to take a shower (since we forgot all about it yesterday)--thankfully, she didn't give me a problem about it. She wasn't happy about having to get up (who is?), but she did it anyways. We got all ready and then had an appt with Cherie this morning at 10. We spent a good part of the appt going over our new rules and schedules, as well as Sarah's stay in the hospital and her time after she arrived home. Cherie also gave me some insight about Sarah's low scores on her academic achievement tests (math and oral language skills) and how to help improve those. Basically--practice, practice, practice!
After the appointment, we stopped at Walmart, so I could pick up some things for our trip and for lunch. I let Sarah look at some things on her own, with Allison staying with her. I also let her look at things for a few minutes on her own, by herself. Sarah asked me to buy her some Valentines to give to her dance friends. I assumed they were for the girls in Jr. Company. Never assume anything. She did a great job shopping, and even took it upon herself to go get the milk for me. She also chose her own lunch--fettucine alfredo :) We finally finished shopping and headed home.
Once we got home, I fixed the girls' lunches and then we watched our new Math-U-See DVD--Lesson 1, Adding Negative Numbers. Allison did a great job watching and answering along with the DVD. Sarah was involved with her Valentines while she watched, but she did pay attention pretty well. I then printed off worksheets for the girls to do. Sarah was still involved in her Valentines. She was concerned b/c she had messed up a couple of them. I made a comment to her that she shouldn't worry about it, b/c I didn't think the people were going to appreciate them (she was making Valentines for the people in her Hip Hop and Broadway classes--teenagers/high school students, who I felt may not have a full appreciation for Sarah's thoughtfulness). She then got upset b/c she had wasted money and b/c she felt that people weren't going to like her Valentines or her and think she was a baby. Sigh. Unfortunately, she may have been right. Alan picked that moment to text and ask how Sarah's appt. went. I called him back and told him what had just happened--he suggested that we also give some candy kisses along with the Valentines--great idea! So, I went upstairs and told Sarah what Daddy had suggested. She liked the idea! We decided we would go and buy some candy kisses during Allison's first class, so Sarah could hand everything out this evening. We also discussed different ways she could have handled the situation and her frustration--good discussion. We then went downstairs.
We still had to do her math worksheets. We sat down and looked over the lesson together. I also used some of our old math blocks we have to help explain the math to her. She figured it out! How exciting! I told her she needed to do the worksheet; she asked me if I would stay with her while she did the whole thing. Of course, I agreed. We worked through the whole worksheet, and she even did the last few problems by herself. I then let her finish her Valentines, so she would have those ready for tonight.
After the Valentines were done, she snuck upstairs and climbed in bed and fell asleep (Allison had fallen asleep, too, on the couch--I think we may need to change wake-up time!). I woke both girls up a few minutes later--it was time to get dressed for dance. We left a bit later than I wanted, but we still made it on time. We dropped Allison off and went to buy candy kisses to go with the Valentines. After we bought those, we went to get gas. Sarah filled her candy bags while I pumped gas. We then went through the Taco Bell drive-thru to get a snack. I was hungry, and Sarah had eaten less for lunch than I did, so I knew she was hungry, too. The drive-thru took 20 minutes! Crazy! Sarah did well, though, and was very patient. We then went to dance class, so she could distribute her Valentines! Of course, everyone seemed to love them, especially since they came with candy!
Dance class went very well. She seemed really happy to be back in class after 2 weeks of missed classes! After dance was over, we couldn't find her jacket, though--she panicked a bit, but I found it and all was well. No major events over it. Phew! We then got in the car and drove home. We stopped at Little Caesars on the way to pick up our pizza for dinner. I had to wait a few minutes on it, but the girls waited patiently in the car, with no problems.
Once we got home, Sarah helped me by carrying the pizza into the house. She was very excited for me to come in--Alan had painted in the kitchen and she wanted me to see it. Nice! The girls watched "Monsters vs. Aliens" while they ate dinner. Unfortunately, the movie was too long, and I had to cut it off before it was done. I asked Sarah to cut it off a few times, but I kept getting, "OK, just a second." Finally, I had to cut it off myself. Proud of myself for taking charge. Proud of Sarah for staying calm about it. She then came and took her medicine and went upstairs to bed. Once again, sleeping soundly!
We leave in 3 days. Praying that everything goes well while I'm gone! Praying that it all goes well before and after, too!
After the appointment, we stopped at Walmart, so I could pick up some things for our trip and for lunch. I let Sarah look at some things on her own, with Allison staying with her. I also let her look at things for a few minutes on her own, by herself. Sarah asked me to buy her some Valentines to give to her dance friends. I assumed they were for the girls in Jr. Company. Never assume anything. She did a great job shopping, and even took it upon herself to go get the milk for me. She also chose her own lunch--fettucine alfredo :) We finally finished shopping and headed home.
Once we got home, I fixed the girls' lunches and then we watched our new Math-U-See DVD--Lesson 1, Adding Negative Numbers. Allison did a great job watching and answering along with the DVD. Sarah was involved with her Valentines while she watched, but she did pay attention pretty well. I then printed off worksheets for the girls to do. Sarah was still involved in her Valentines. She was concerned b/c she had messed up a couple of them. I made a comment to her that she shouldn't worry about it, b/c I didn't think the people were going to appreciate them (she was making Valentines for the people in her Hip Hop and Broadway classes--teenagers/high school students, who I felt may not have a full appreciation for Sarah's thoughtfulness). She then got upset b/c she had wasted money and b/c she felt that people weren't going to like her Valentines or her and think she was a baby. Sigh. Unfortunately, she may have been right. Alan picked that moment to text and ask how Sarah's appt. went. I called him back and told him what had just happened--he suggested that we also give some candy kisses along with the Valentines--great idea! So, I went upstairs and told Sarah what Daddy had suggested. She liked the idea! We decided we would go and buy some candy kisses during Allison's first class, so Sarah could hand everything out this evening. We also discussed different ways she could have handled the situation and her frustration--good discussion. We then went downstairs.
We still had to do her math worksheets. We sat down and looked over the lesson together. I also used some of our old math blocks we have to help explain the math to her. She figured it out! How exciting! I told her she needed to do the worksheet; she asked me if I would stay with her while she did the whole thing. Of course, I agreed. We worked through the whole worksheet, and she even did the last few problems by herself. I then let her finish her Valentines, so she would have those ready for tonight.
After the Valentines were done, she snuck upstairs and climbed in bed and fell asleep (Allison had fallen asleep, too, on the couch--I think we may need to change wake-up time!). I woke both girls up a few minutes later--it was time to get dressed for dance. We left a bit later than I wanted, but we still made it on time. We dropped Allison off and went to buy candy kisses to go with the Valentines. After we bought those, we went to get gas. Sarah filled her candy bags while I pumped gas. We then went through the Taco Bell drive-thru to get a snack. I was hungry, and Sarah had eaten less for lunch than I did, so I knew she was hungry, too. The drive-thru took 20 minutes! Crazy! Sarah did well, though, and was very patient. We then went to dance class, so she could distribute her Valentines! Of course, everyone seemed to love them, especially since they came with candy!
Dance class went very well. She seemed really happy to be back in class after 2 weeks of missed classes! After dance was over, we couldn't find her jacket, though--she panicked a bit, but I found it and all was well. No major events over it. Phew! We then got in the car and drove home. We stopped at Little Caesars on the way to pick up our pizza for dinner. I had to wait a few minutes on it, but the girls waited patiently in the car, with no problems.
Once we got home, Sarah helped me by carrying the pizza into the house. She was very excited for me to come in--Alan had painted in the kitchen and she wanted me to see it. Nice! The girls watched "Monsters vs. Aliens" while they ate dinner. Unfortunately, the movie was too long, and I had to cut it off before it was done. I asked Sarah to cut it off a few times, but I kept getting, "OK, just a second." Finally, I had to cut it off myself. Proud of myself for taking charge. Proud of Sarah for staying calm about it. She then came and took her medicine and went upstairs to bed. Once again, sleeping soundly!
We leave in 3 days. Praying that everything goes well while I'm gone! Praying that it all goes well before and after, too!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Day 8
Today was another good day! Sarah struggled to get out of bed on time, but was up by 9 (maybe 8 is just being too ambitious?). She got up, ate breakfast (she started to watch tv again with breakfast, but I got her to turn off the tv shows and just listen to music on the tv), brushed her hair and teeth, but did not get to take her shower--we ran out of time. She was supposed to take it after we got home from my hair appt, but I totally forgot about it! I'll have to make sure she gets one in the morning! My hair appt was for 11am--we actually made it on time! We listened to Sarah's Taylor Swift CD in the car on the way there. Allison wanted to listen to Les Mis, so I made a deal with the girls--Taylor Swift on the way there, Les Mis on the way home! Oh, and so proud of Sarah--she even got her school stuff together on her own to take with her to the hair appt. and worked on some school while we were there!
Sarah did a great job while we were at my hair appt. We were there from 11-1:30 or so (after I got my hair done, Allison got her hair braided). She only asked one time if we were almost ready to leave, and at that point, we almost were ;)
After that, we went to Graziano's for lunch. We were trying to get there for their lunch buffet, but by the time we had found somewhere to park the car and walked into the restaurant, it was almost 2:00, and the buffet ended at 2:00. We all ended up ordering off the menu. Sarah wanted to get 2 slices of cheese pizza AND some breadsticks, but it would have cost more than I wanted to pay for lunch. Also, she just didn't need that much food. We worked another deal, though, and Sarah got to eat the roll that came with Allison's spaghetti. She was still hungry, and asked politely, so I went ahead and bought her another roll, which was still less expensive than ordering the breadsticks would have been. Sarah was in a good mood all through lunch, which was nice. At the end of our meal, I needed to go to the bathroom, so I left the girls sitting at the table by themselves. I was a bit hesitant, since there were 3 knives sitting on the table, but I felt like Sarah would be ok. The knives were not right in front of her, either. It's going to be a long time until I feel comfortable with her around knives.
Once we got home, I let Sarah watch one episode of Cake Boss. She then had to get ready for dance class. (Impressive--when we had gotten home from lunch, she had gotten her dance clothes out of her dance bag and brought them in the house). She only got frustrated for a little bit one time when Allison asked Sarah to get her dance bag for her (she wanted to see if she'd left her tights in Sarah's dance bag). I told Allison that Sarah couldn't get the dance bag for her, since she was getting ready to get dressed, and went out and checked the dance bag myself. No tights. Sigh. That's a whole other story!
We left for dance class a bit later than I wanted (Allison wasn't quite ready), but made it to class on time. Sarah had fun showing off my hair to people :) She did a great job during dance class and stayed in class the entire time, even during "split practice." She even practiced her splits! After class, she had a short rehearsal. At one point during either class or rehearsal, she was able to explain to someone what they were supposed to be doing when they got confused. Nice!
After class, we came back home. She had a cleaning/organizing job to do--put some books that were in a box, up on the book shelf. She was doing a great job with it, until Allison came in and saw that Sarah was "messing up her organization." Sarah got irritated and told Allison to just do the books herself and that she wasn't going to do them. I don't blame her for getting irritated. I understand that Allison had organized the books, but Sarah was just doing what she was told. No winners there. The books are still in the box--they'll get done later. Not worth the battle.
The girls then ate dinner together and watched tv together while they ate. Once they were done, Sarah went to bed and went to sleep. Teeth brushed? I doubt it...we're working on it, though!
Tomorrow, we go see Cherie for our follow-up therapy appt, after being in the hospital. It's hard to believe everything happened a week ago. Seems like so long ago, yet it also seems like it just happened yesterday. Alan texted me earlier today..."We have much to be thankful for...Thinking about the ground we have covered and progress we've made since this time last week :) " Yes, we truly do have a lot to be thankful for! We are truly blessed to still have both of our girls here with us! Praying that we continue to make progress and come to a complete healing. Here's to another good day tomorrow!
Sarah did a great job while we were at my hair appt. We were there from 11-1:30 or so (after I got my hair done, Allison got her hair braided). She only asked one time if we were almost ready to leave, and at that point, we almost were ;)
After that, we went to Graziano's for lunch. We were trying to get there for their lunch buffet, but by the time we had found somewhere to park the car and walked into the restaurant, it was almost 2:00, and the buffet ended at 2:00. We all ended up ordering off the menu. Sarah wanted to get 2 slices of cheese pizza AND some breadsticks, but it would have cost more than I wanted to pay for lunch. Also, she just didn't need that much food. We worked another deal, though, and Sarah got to eat the roll that came with Allison's spaghetti. She was still hungry, and asked politely, so I went ahead and bought her another roll, which was still less expensive than ordering the breadsticks would have been. Sarah was in a good mood all through lunch, which was nice. At the end of our meal, I needed to go to the bathroom, so I left the girls sitting at the table by themselves. I was a bit hesitant, since there were 3 knives sitting on the table, but I felt like Sarah would be ok. The knives were not right in front of her, either. It's going to be a long time until I feel comfortable with her around knives.
Once we got home, I let Sarah watch one episode of Cake Boss. She then had to get ready for dance class. (Impressive--when we had gotten home from lunch, she had gotten her dance clothes out of her dance bag and brought them in the house). She only got frustrated for a little bit one time when Allison asked Sarah to get her dance bag for her (she wanted to see if she'd left her tights in Sarah's dance bag). I told Allison that Sarah couldn't get the dance bag for her, since she was getting ready to get dressed, and went out and checked the dance bag myself. No tights. Sigh. That's a whole other story!
We left for dance class a bit later than I wanted (Allison wasn't quite ready), but made it to class on time. Sarah had fun showing off my hair to people :) She did a great job during dance class and stayed in class the entire time, even during "split practice." She even practiced her splits! After class, she had a short rehearsal. At one point during either class or rehearsal, she was able to explain to someone what they were supposed to be doing when they got confused. Nice!
After class, we came back home. She had a cleaning/organizing job to do--put some books that were in a box, up on the book shelf. She was doing a great job with it, until Allison came in and saw that Sarah was "messing up her organization." Sarah got irritated and told Allison to just do the books herself and that she wasn't going to do them. I don't blame her for getting irritated. I understand that Allison had organized the books, but Sarah was just doing what she was told. No winners there. The books are still in the box--they'll get done later. Not worth the battle.
The girls then ate dinner together and watched tv together while they ate. Once they were done, Sarah went to bed and went to sleep. Teeth brushed? I doubt it...we're working on it, though!
Tomorrow, we go see Cherie for our follow-up therapy appt, after being in the hospital. It's hard to believe everything happened a week ago. Seems like so long ago, yet it also seems like it just happened yesterday. Alan texted me earlier today..."We have much to be thankful for...Thinking about the ground we have covered and progress we've made since this time last week :) " Yes, we truly do have a lot to be thankful for! We are truly blessed to still have both of our girls here with us! Praying that we continue to make progress and come to a complete healing. Here's to another good day tomorrow!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Day 7
So, today didn't go quite as smoothly or as well as the past few days. It wasn't a bad day...it just didn't go as well. Maybe because we actually had to do stuff today ;) I started our schedule a bit later today (9, instead of 8), since we got home so late last night. Also, Allison had Grace spending the night, so that kind of threw a kink in things, too, but it was a good thing for Allison. Actually didn't bother Sarah at all. Just altered the schedule a bit. Sarah was really tired this morning and had some difficulty getting up on time. When she did finally get up, she turned on the tv while she ate breakfast, something she used to be able to do; we've changed the rules now, though, and tv before school is a no-no. She had me convinced to let her finish her episode, but Alan pointed out that we needed to stick with the new rules, and so I had to go back and tell her to turn off the tv, that she could watch her episode later (it was recorded). She wasn't real happy about that, but she got over it quickly, without a lot of drama, just some disappointment. She did get her shower and brush her hair and teeth without complaint--that was good!
I wanted her to get started on some school then. However, she went to her room and worked on cleaning her room, instead. Not sure if that was a good or bad thing--she was supposed to be doing school, but cleaning her room was on the schedule for later in the day. I redirected her and told her the room would have to wait, that she was supposed to be doing school then. She got some math done (not what I had asked her to do, but she did do some of the math I had sent to the hospital for her to do), as well as some science. At some point today, she also made a short list of ideas to do her research paper on--mermaids, Taylor Swift, or someone else??? I suggested to her that doing her paper on mermaids could be a lot of fun to do and be very interesting. She said she wanted to go ahead and get started on her research--she had seen some cool videos online about possible mermaid sightings. I had to remind her that not everything you see online is true. I also told her we needed to go to the library to do some research--I want them to do some research in books, and not just on the internet.
Took a break for lunch. I let her watch tv then, but she had to ask for permission. She was allowed to watch one CSI: Miami episode (the show of the month). Once it was over, the tv went off with no arguing. She then went up to her room to do some more schoolwork. When I went up to check on her a bit later, though, she was sitting in her chair with her computer in her lap. I asked her what she was working on (a couple of times), but she didn't answer. I got closer and leaned over her chair and touched her on the head--she hadn't heard me before, so it scared her. When I asked her again what she was working on, she got frustrated (maybe threw something?) and said she "was TRYING to work on (her) reading, but all these stupid ads keep coming up on the computer and I keep reading them! I give up! I just can't do it!" I suggested that she take the computer downstairs to Daddy, so he can do something to her computer to get all the ads off, that she must have mistakenly clicked on something that made all the ads keep coming on her computer. She said she hadn't clicked on anything, but I told her nicely that sometimes we do it by accident--the ads don't just show up for no reason. She rather calmly unplugged her computer, shut it, and carried it downstairs for Alan to look at. Not too bad. She then watched a little bit of tv, since she had finished her other work and was waiting for her computer.
Today was also a cleaning day in the house, since Grandmommy and Grandpa are coming on Friday (we're still planning on going on our cruise). Cleaning is NOT my thing. I'm not good at it. It stresses me out. Cleaning is the time when all of my indecisiveness, klutziness, and lack of coordination all come together. I just sit and stare at everything, trying to decide what to do first, not knowing where to start. Allison saw me sitting there, asked me what was wrong, and, yes, I started crying. I just get so overwhelmed! I don't know where to put anything--it just gets moved from one place to another! We have too much stuff and nowhere to put it all!!! Finally, I pulled up my big girl panties and started picking stuff up and either finding a home for it or throwing it away.
After a bit, I had to go take some stuff downstairs. Sarah started "tattling" on Allison that she was pulling leaves off my peace lily. Apparently, Alan had told her to clean the leaves, but she misunderstood and was pulling off the dead leaves, that I wasn't sure were ready to be pulled off yet. The girls bickered about it for a minute. I could hear Sarah getting a bit stressed. Then, Sarah made a comment about how she wished she hadn't had to go in the hospital, b/c now her ears aren't pierced anymore. I felt so bad for her and so guilty (yes, I still feel like it's my fault), I started crying again. The girls both asked why I was crying, but I didn't dare say why--I didn't want to let Sarah know I feel bad she had to go in the hospital, and especially, that she had to take out her earrings. I just knew that it would give her some sort of control over me. I want to take her back to the doctor to get her ears re-pierced, but am afraid that she'll have to go back in the hospital soon and we'll have to do it yet again! I got myself calmed down again and life continued.
At some point today, I carried Sarah's 2 bags of clean clothes upstairs, so she could put those away. Alan worked on vacuuming our bedroom where I had gotten stuff picked up, and I took a shower. Then took Allison to dance class. Alan had a meeting at church tonight, so Sarah had to go with either me or him. She decided to go with him to the church (I can't believe she didn't want to go shoe shopping with me! LOL). I told Alan Sarah could take her computer with her and work on her reading, since she didn't get to do it this afternoon. However, when I asked Sarah what she was taking with her to the church to do, she said she was going to take her phone. I just wasn't up to arguing with her. After I dropped Allison off, though, Alan called and asked what Sarah was supposed to take with her to the church. I told him she could take her computer and work on her reading. When I went to pick her up, she had the computer with her and she told me she got some work done (not sure how much, though).
We then came home. Sarah decided she wanted to watch "The Puppy Bowl," while Allison was hoping to watch "Pitch Perfect" again. I told Allison she couldn't watch a 2 hour movie again tonight. She then informed me that "The Puppy Bowl" was 2 hours long, too...sigh. I told Sarah she couldn't watch the whole thing. Fortunately, after about 5 or 10 minutes, Sarah announced that "The Puppy Bowl" was boring and turned it off--hallelujah! Sarah found another movie to watch, "The Pagemaker" and watched that, while Allison watched that for a bit, and then went upstairs to help Alan with cleaning. I fixed dinner (biscuit pizzas) and Alan and I watched some of Sarah's movie with her (Allison watched something of her own on the computer). Sarah was complaining of a headache again (she had complained earlier in her room, but didn't want to go downstairs to get Tylenol), so I got her a wet washcloth for her forehead. She also wasn't very hungry tonight (Allison finished Sarah's dinner). Sarah then watched an episode of "Bunnheads," which lasted until about 10:10. I had her brush her hair while she watched. She then turned it off, brushed her teeth, and then went upstairs. We had a short family meeting about our new schedule, letting Sarah know that it wasn't a punishment for her, but was a way for our family to have our lives in better order. She then put on her jammies and went to bed.
So, we've had better days, but we've CERTAINLY had worse days! Hoping tomorrow will be a better day! I'm getting my hair done. Sarah wants to get hers done, too, but I didn't want to mess with getting her hair highlighted right before I leave town. Hoping she doesn't freak on me tomorrow at the hairdressers, or Allison, for that matter (she always wants to get her hair straightened, but they usually don't have time to do it). Pray that I make the right decision on what to do with my hair and that tomorrow is a better day!
I wanted her to get started on some school then. However, she went to her room and worked on cleaning her room, instead. Not sure if that was a good or bad thing--she was supposed to be doing school, but cleaning her room was on the schedule for later in the day. I redirected her and told her the room would have to wait, that she was supposed to be doing school then. She got some math done (not what I had asked her to do, but she did do some of the math I had sent to the hospital for her to do), as well as some science. At some point today, she also made a short list of ideas to do her research paper on--mermaids, Taylor Swift, or someone else??? I suggested to her that doing her paper on mermaids could be a lot of fun to do and be very interesting. She said she wanted to go ahead and get started on her research--she had seen some cool videos online about possible mermaid sightings. I had to remind her that not everything you see online is true. I also told her we needed to go to the library to do some research--I want them to do some research in books, and not just on the internet.
Took a break for lunch. I let her watch tv then, but she had to ask for permission. She was allowed to watch one CSI: Miami episode (the show of the month). Once it was over, the tv went off with no arguing. She then went up to her room to do some more schoolwork. When I went up to check on her a bit later, though, she was sitting in her chair with her computer in her lap. I asked her what she was working on (a couple of times), but she didn't answer. I got closer and leaned over her chair and touched her on the head--she hadn't heard me before, so it scared her. When I asked her again what she was working on, she got frustrated (maybe threw something?) and said she "was TRYING to work on (her) reading, but all these stupid ads keep coming up on the computer and I keep reading them! I give up! I just can't do it!" I suggested that she take the computer downstairs to Daddy, so he can do something to her computer to get all the ads off, that she must have mistakenly clicked on something that made all the ads keep coming on her computer. She said she hadn't clicked on anything, but I told her nicely that sometimes we do it by accident--the ads don't just show up for no reason. She rather calmly unplugged her computer, shut it, and carried it downstairs for Alan to look at. Not too bad. She then watched a little bit of tv, since she had finished her other work and was waiting for her computer.
Today was also a cleaning day in the house, since Grandmommy and Grandpa are coming on Friday (we're still planning on going on our cruise). Cleaning is NOT my thing. I'm not good at it. It stresses me out. Cleaning is the time when all of my indecisiveness, klutziness, and lack of coordination all come together. I just sit and stare at everything, trying to decide what to do first, not knowing where to start. Allison saw me sitting there, asked me what was wrong, and, yes, I started crying. I just get so overwhelmed! I don't know where to put anything--it just gets moved from one place to another! We have too much stuff and nowhere to put it all!!! Finally, I pulled up my big girl panties and started picking stuff up and either finding a home for it or throwing it away.
After a bit, I had to go take some stuff downstairs. Sarah started "tattling" on Allison that she was pulling leaves off my peace lily. Apparently, Alan had told her to clean the leaves, but she misunderstood and was pulling off the dead leaves, that I wasn't sure were ready to be pulled off yet. The girls bickered about it for a minute. I could hear Sarah getting a bit stressed. Then, Sarah made a comment about how she wished she hadn't had to go in the hospital, b/c now her ears aren't pierced anymore. I felt so bad for her and so guilty (yes, I still feel like it's my fault), I started crying again. The girls both asked why I was crying, but I didn't dare say why--I didn't want to let Sarah know I feel bad she had to go in the hospital, and especially, that she had to take out her earrings. I just knew that it would give her some sort of control over me. I want to take her back to the doctor to get her ears re-pierced, but am afraid that she'll have to go back in the hospital soon and we'll have to do it yet again! I got myself calmed down again and life continued.
At some point today, I carried Sarah's 2 bags of clean clothes upstairs, so she could put those away. Alan worked on vacuuming our bedroom where I had gotten stuff picked up, and I took a shower. Then took Allison to dance class. Alan had a meeting at church tonight, so Sarah had to go with either me or him. She decided to go with him to the church (I can't believe she didn't want to go shoe shopping with me! LOL). I told Alan Sarah could take her computer with her and work on her reading, since she didn't get to do it this afternoon. However, when I asked Sarah what she was taking with her to the church to do, she said she was going to take her phone. I just wasn't up to arguing with her. After I dropped Allison off, though, Alan called and asked what Sarah was supposed to take with her to the church. I told him she could take her computer and work on her reading. When I went to pick her up, she had the computer with her and she told me she got some work done (not sure how much, though).
We then came home. Sarah decided she wanted to watch "The Puppy Bowl," while Allison was hoping to watch "Pitch Perfect" again. I told Allison she couldn't watch a 2 hour movie again tonight. She then informed me that "The Puppy Bowl" was 2 hours long, too...sigh. I told Sarah she couldn't watch the whole thing. Fortunately, after about 5 or 10 minutes, Sarah announced that "The Puppy Bowl" was boring and turned it off--hallelujah! Sarah found another movie to watch, "The Pagemaker" and watched that, while Allison watched that for a bit, and then went upstairs to help Alan with cleaning. I fixed dinner (biscuit pizzas) and Alan and I watched some of Sarah's movie with her (Allison watched something of her own on the computer). Sarah was complaining of a headache again (she had complained earlier in her room, but didn't want to go downstairs to get Tylenol), so I got her a wet washcloth for her forehead. She also wasn't very hungry tonight (Allison finished Sarah's dinner). Sarah then watched an episode of "Bunnheads," which lasted until about 10:10. I had her brush her hair while she watched. She then turned it off, brushed her teeth, and then went upstairs. We had a short family meeting about our new schedule, letting Sarah know that it wasn't a punishment for her, but was a way for our family to have our lives in better order. She then put on her jammies and went to bed.
So, we've had better days, but we've CERTAINLY had worse days! Hoping tomorrow will be a better day! I'm getting my hair done. Sarah wants to get hers done, too, but I didn't want to mess with getting her hair highlighted right before I leave town. Hoping she doesn't freak on me tomorrow at the hairdressers, or Allison, for that matter (she always wants to get her hair straightened, but they usually don't have time to do it). Pray that I make the right decision on what to do with my hair and that tomorrow is a better day!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Day 6
Another great day! Got up this morning and went to church. Emily and I talked some about Sarah during worship rehearsal. I found myself getting very teary before church, while talking to Emily, and a bit during church. The past couple of years sometimes really takes a toll on me. I told both Emily and Alan that I wonder if maybe I need to go on Lexapro, too--I can just about cry on demand these days. This morning, I just kept crying, for really no reason at all. Sigh.
After church, Sarah and Allison both helped get things set up for tonight's Super Bowl Party. We also had a meeting about Youth Group, which is starting next week. I took some time to let Keith and Trina know what had happened with Sarah this week, so they'd be aware.
After church, we came home and had some lunch. Sarah watched a bit of tv and then took what was probably for her a much-needed nap. Even I laid down and slept for almost an hour. I was exhausted! Maybe that had something to do with my teariness this morning.
I wasn't sure if Sarah was going to be up to going to the Super Bowl Party at church tonight, and being around so many people, but she left early for the Party with Alan. She seemed to have a lot of fun tonight--playing bingo, eating, playing bingo, helping serve drinks, playing bingo...you get the idea! She was so excited about all the prizes she won--I think she is giving/gave them all away to other people--she loves to give gifts! She also asked Josh if she could draw the name for the free CFA for a year. He agreed to let her do it, if she would hand out 3 invitations to Youth Group after that. She was very excited--it was fun to see her do it--"drum roll, please!" She drew the name and then Josh asked teens to raise their hands, if they hadn't yet received an invite to Youth Group, so Sarah would know who to give them to--nice job, Josh! Thank you!!! Sarah was also thrilled when Trina got her an orange Fanta out of the fridge--her favorite drink!
The Party finished up around 10:45, and we all left the church quickly, since the alarm was set to turn on at 11:00. We gathered up all the Bingo prizes the girls had won and headed home. Once we got home, Sarah watched tv for a bit, and then got ready for bed, like I asked. Crud! I forgot to have her brush her teeth again! Need to work on that!!! She decided to sleep on the couch again (her favorite place to sleep). She played her (actually, Allison's) DS for a bit and then went to sleep. OK, so the schedule got a little off--not too bad, though, considering that the game went late. Can't wait to see what tomorrow holds--hope it's another great day!
After church, Sarah and Allison both helped get things set up for tonight's Super Bowl Party. We also had a meeting about Youth Group, which is starting next week. I took some time to let Keith and Trina know what had happened with Sarah this week, so they'd be aware.
After church, we came home and had some lunch. Sarah watched a bit of tv and then took what was probably for her a much-needed nap. Even I laid down and slept for almost an hour. I was exhausted! Maybe that had something to do with my teariness this morning.
I wasn't sure if Sarah was going to be up to going to the Super Bowl Party at church tonight, and being around so many people, but she left early for the Party with Alan. She seemed to have a lot of fun tonight--playing bingo, eating, playing bingo, helping serve drinks, playing bingo...you get the idea! She was so excited about all the prizes she won--I think she is giving/gave them all away to other people--she loves to give gifts! She also asked Josh if she could draw the name for the free CFA for a year. He agreed to let her do it, if she would hand out 3 invitations to Youth Group after that. She was very excited--it was fun to see her do it--"drum roll, please!" She drew the name and then Josh asked teens to raise their hands, if they hadn't yet received an invite to Youth Group, so Sarah would know who to give them to--nice job, Josh! Thank you!!! Sarah was also thrilled when Trina got her an orange Fanta out of the fridge--her favorite drink!
The Party finished up around 10:45, and we all left the church quickly, since the alarm was set to turn on at 11:00. We gathered up all the Bingo prizes the girls had won and headed home. Once we got home, Sarah watched tv for a bit, and then got ready for bed, like I asked. Crud! I forgot to have her brush her teeth again! Need to work on that!!! She decided to sleep on the couch again (her favorite place to sleep). She played her (actually, Allison's) DS for a bit and then went to sleep. OK, so the schedule got a little off--not too bad, though, considering that the game went late. Can't wait to see what tomorrow holds--hope it's another great day!
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Day 5
Today has been a great day! Sarah has been in a wonderful mood all day! It's SO nice, having my happy, loving daughter back! I started waking her up a little bit before 8 this morning. She was tired, so she didn't actually get up until about 8:30. She had a little help waking up...I tickled her! So fun to hear her laughing! She got up and got herself all ready for dance (including a shower) and was ready to go on time. OK, almost ready--she tried to leave in flip-flops, but I made her change into her snow boots, since it was supposed to snow today. No arguing--yay!
Made it to dance class on time! She was so excited, because when she got to the Studio, Grace W-M had made her a huge card, telling her what a great friend she is and how much she loves her! Thank you, Lord, for such a wonderful friend!!! Miss Michelle also gave her a big hug! Sarah then spent the entire time in class and rehearsal (didn't leave, except to go to the bathroom once)! I haven't told Sarah yet, but Lily came up to me during class and asked me where Sarah had been--she had been worried about Sarah, since she hadn't seen her at the Studio in a couple of weeks. I told Lily that we had been out of town and that Sarah had gotten sick when we got back. She was glad to know that Sarah was back and was ok :)
After rehearsal, I went to Penn Station and got Sarah her pizza bread that I had promised her last night. She and Allison stayed in the car while I got it, since it was snowing, but I could see them the entire time. Went from there to the mall, in case I had to work. Sarah spent time playing her DS and then took a nap, laying her head on the break table. When I went out in the mall to get Allison some Dippin' Dots, we got the "cookie on a stick" that Sarah had requested (she didn't want to go out in the mall with us). We then packed up and came back home.
Sarah spent the evening watching a couple of movies on tv. She enjoyed her spaghetti tonight! She and Allison then spent time in the den, practicing the dance to "Burlesque." What a joy to see my girls dancing and having fun together!!! Sarah then went upstairs and took another shower (she didn't wash her hair this morning)--two showers in one day...that's a first! Again, no complaints!
She then came down and watched an episode of CSI: Miami. Got her hair AND teeth brushed! Turned tv off a little late (10:15), but we let her finish her episode. Took her medicine and went to bed on the couch. Another great day! Tomorrow--church and the Super Bowl Party (if she decides to go).
Made it to dance class on time! She was so excited, because when she got to the Studio, Grace W-M had made her a huge card, telling her what a great friend she is and how much she loves her! Thank you, Lord, for such a wonderful friend!!! Miss Michelle also gave her a big hug! Sarah then spent the entire time in class and rehearsal (didn't leave, except to go to the bathroom once)! I haven't told Sarah yet, but Lily came up to me during class and asked me where Sarah had been--she had been worried about Sarah, since she hadn't seen her at the Studio in a couple of weeks. I told Lily that we had been out of town and that Sarah had gotten sick when we got back. She was glad to know that Sarah was back and was ok :)
After rehearsal, I went to Penn Station and got Sarah her pizza bread that I had promised her last night. She and Allison stayed in the car while I got it, since it was snowing, but I could see them the entire time. Went from there to the mall, in case I had to work. Sarah spent time playing her DS and then took a nap, laying her head on the break table. When I went out in the mall to get Allison some Dippin' Dots, we got the "cookie on a stick" that Sarah had requested (she didn't want to go out in the mall with us). We then packed up and came back home.
Sarah spent the evening watching a couple of movies on tv. She enjoyed her spaghetti tonight! She and Allison then spent time in the den, practicing the dance to "Burlesque." What a joy to see my girls dancing and having fun together!!! Sarah then went upstairs and took another shower (she didn't wash her hair this morning)--two showers in one day...that's a first! Again, no complaints!
She then came down and watched an episode of CSI: Miami. Got her hair AND teeth brushed! Turned tv off a little late (10:15), but we let her finish her episode. Took her medicine and went to bed on the couch. Another great day! Tomorrow--church and the Super Bowl Party (if she decides to go).
Friday, February 1, 2013
Day 4
We made it through the day...the first day of a new beginning to our lives. I was very nervous last night. I had no idea what today would hold--would Sarah get angry, would she be sad, would she be happy, would she balk against the whole new schedule idea, or, worst of all, would she get mad and threaten suicide again or ask to go back to the hospital? I prayed a lot last night. I even went to her room and prayed over her, for peace and healing for her. Maybe I should have done that a long time ago. I wonder if it would have made a difference.
Regardless, I set my alarm for 7:30am and was able to pull myself out of bed at 7:45, so I could start waking the girls up. Get-out-of-bed time was scheduled for 8:00. I think both girls were up by 8:10 or 8:15...not too bad. They both got showered, made their beds, brushed hair and teeth, and ate breakfast. They were supposed to be ready to start school at 9...we didn't quite make it. OK, so it was about 10:30 by the time we really got down to business (Sarah was in the bathroom for a really long time). But, we did well--no screens for the girls! Finally, I was able to get them both sitting in the den, ready to work. Got both girls to do a journal entry of some kind about Sarah being home from the hospital. I didn't get to read Allison's, but Sarah's was short and sweet--"I am so happy to be home again. I am sad, too, though, because I didn't get any of my friends' numbers."
They then worked on history. Sarah finished her notecards (she had started them in the hospital) and Allison did all of hers. They then had to categorize the books of the Old Testament. I was so proud of Sarah for completing it without complaining--it was a lot of writing for her to do! We then decided to take a break for lunch. Sarah went to put her school stuff away and some of the stuff fell out of her box--she got frustrated about it, but was able to calm down quickly. I reminded her to breathe, hoping to prevent a full-blown tantrum, which would have happened last week. Fortunately, we got through that with very little issue. Sarah then got her lunch and took it in the playroom to eat, while Allison ate in the den. I gave both girls 30 minutes to watch tv. While they were eating, Allison messed up the settings on the tv in the den and couldn't figure out how to fix it. I had no idea how to do it, so I had to ask Sarah to help Allison. She got a bit irritated trying to explain to Allison how to fix it (she had to stop eating lunch and watching her tv show to help Allison), but I reminded her to breathe again, and we got over it very quickly. Allison apologized to Sarah and Sarah said it was ok. Phew!
After about 35 minutes, I realized the tv's were still on. I reminded Sarah (and Allison) that she was out of time and asked her how much longer her show was on. She told me it was almost over and proceeded to finish watching it. I told her nicely that she needed to ask permission to be able to finish the show and told her exactly what to ask--she did it, so I let her finish the show (it was only on for 5 or 10 more minutes). Once it was over, Sarah got her science book and her math and went upstairs to work on them in my room. I felt that since she had worked so well during the morning, I would give her a chance to do her work upstairs. I went and checked on her a couple of times and she was working very well. She came downstairs a while later and when asked, told me she had done a page of math and the Fascinating Facts for her science. She did both of these without being asked to!
Meanwhile, the Holsteins had called and invited Allison to go sledding, and opened the invitation to Sarah, too, when they found out she is back home. I asked her if she'd like to join them, but she preferred to stay home and finish the schoolwork she was doing. This wasn't really a surprise--it was COLD outside, and I didn't think Sarah would want to go. Not a problem. Once she was done with her schoolwork, she hung out in her room for a bit and watched Tow Mater clips. Then, she came downstairs and watched tv. Since our Homeschool Social meeting and dance class had been cancelled, I thought that was ok. I got her to fold 2 loads of her laundry while she was watching, too, so it wasn't totally wasted time.
We ran into a little problem tonight, but it was with Allison, rather than Sarah. Sarah didn't want to watch the movie Allison had picked out to watch, so I bargained with Sarah and offered to buy her lunch at Penn Station if she would watch at least half of Allison's movie (hoping to make Allison happy). We were planning on having spaghetti for dinner, which Allison was excited about; Sarah wanted pizza. I had to wait until Alan got home to go to the store--I knew the girls didn't want to go out in the cold to Kroger! They told me I could leave them and Sarah said she'd be ok, but I don't feel like that is a safe option yet. She will have to earn that trust back. Alan decided it would work better for him to pick up pizza, so Family Night wouldn't get pushed back so late. Allison thought it was b/c we were trying to cater to Sarah. She got upset b/c she felt like Sarah was getting her way all day since she had been in the hospital, and she didn't think Sarah should get her way, since she was in the hospital for threatening to kill herself. I explained to Allison that we weren't trying to cater to Sarah--I would have had to bargain with her, anyways, to get her to watch the movie, and we didn't get pizza b/c Sarah wanted it--that was just easier and faster than me cooking. Allison got over it, though, and we all ate pizza and watched the whole movie ("Pitch Perfect"). The movie ended a little after 10 and Sarah went to bed as soon as it was done. I forgot to have her brush her hair and teeth before bed, but I figure if that's the worst part of the day, I didn't do too badly. Allison ended up apologizing to me for getting upset; I explained to her that Sarah is still fragile and I want to try to be gentle and delicate with her, so she doesn't get upset again. I wonder how long I'll feel like I have to be careful. Allison was in bed by 11:15--we did really well! I don't know the last time she went to bed that early!
All in all, it was a good day. Hoping tomorrow is even better (or at least just as good as today!).
Regardless, I set my alarm for 7:30am and was able to pull myself out of bed at 7:45, so I could start waking the girls up. Get-out-of-bed time was scheduled for 8:00. I think both girls were up by 8:10 or 8:15...not too bad. They both got showered, made their beds, brushed hair and teeth, and ate breakfast. They were supposed to be ready to start school at 9...we didn't quite make it. OK, so it was about 10:30 by the time we really got down to business (Sarah was in the bathroom for a really long time). But, we did well--no screens for the girls! Finally, I was able to get them both sitting in the den, ready to work. Got both girls to do a journal entry of some kind about Sarah being home from the hospital. I didn't get to read Allison's, but Sarah's was short and sweet--"I am so happy to be home again. I am sad, too, though, because I didn't get any of my friends' numbers."
They then worked on history. Sarah finished her notecards (she had started them in the hospital) and Allison did all of hers. They then had to categorize the books of the Old Testament. I was so proud of Sarah for completing it without complaining--it was a lot of writing for her to do! We then decided to take a break for lunch. Sarah went to put her school stuff away and some of the stuff fell out of her box--she got frustrated about it, but was able to calm down quickly. I reminded her to breathe, hoping to prevent a full-blown tantrum, which would have happened last week. Fortunately, we got through that with very little issue. Sarah then got her lunch and took it in the playroom to eat, while Allison ate in the den. I gave both girls 30 minutes to watch tv. While they were eating, Allison messed up the settings on the tv in the den and couldn't figure out how to fix it. I had no idea how to do it, so I had to ask Sarah to help Allison. She got a bit irritated trying to explain to Allison how to fix it (she had to stop eating lunch and watching her tv show to help Allison), but I reminded her to breathe again, and we got over it very quickly. Allison apologized to Sarah and Sarah said it was ok. Phew!
After about 35 minutes, I realized the tv's were still on. I reminded Sarah (and Allison) that she was out of time and asked her how much longer her show was on. She told me it was almost over and proceeded to finish watching it. I told her nicely that she needed to ask permission to be able to finish the show and told her exactly what to ask--she did it, so I let her finish the show (it was only on for 5 or 10 more minutes). Once it was over, Sarah got her science book and her math and went upstairs to work on them in my room. I felt that since she had worked so well during the morning, I would give her a chance to do her work upstairs. I went and checked on her a couple of times and she was working very well. She came downstairs a while later and when asked, told me she had done a page of math and the Fascinating Facts for her science. She did both of these without being asked to!
Meanwhile, the Holsteins had called and invited Allison to go sledding, and opened the invitation to Sarah, too, when they found out she is back home. I asked her if she'd like to join them, but she preferred to stay home and finish the schoolwork she was doing. This wasn't really a surprise--it was COLD outside, and I didn't think Sarah would want to go. Not a problem. Once she was done with her schoolwork, she hung out in her room for a bit and watched Tow Mater clips. Then, she came downstairs and watched tv. Since our Homeschool Social meeting and dance class had been cancelled, I thought that was ok. I got her to fold 2 loads of her laundry while she was watching, too, so it wasn't totally wasted time.
We ran into a little problem tonight, but it was with Allison, rather than Sarah. Sarah didn't want to watch the movie Allison had picked out to watch, so I bargained with Sarah and offered to buy her lunch at Penn Station if she would watch at least half of Allison's movie (hoping to make Allison happy). We were planning on having spaghetti for dinner, which Allison was excited about; Sarah wanted pizza. I had to wait until Alan got home to go to the store--I knew the girls didn't want to go out in the cold to Kroger! They told me I could leave them and Sarah said she'd be ok, but I don't feel like that is a safe option yet. She will have to earn that trust back. Alan decided it would work better for him to pick up pizza, so Family Night wouldn't get pushed back so late. Allison thought it was b/c we were trying to cater to Sarah. She got upset b/c she felt like Sarah was getting her way all day since she had been in the hospital, and she didn't think Sarah should get her way, since she was in the hospital for threatening to kill herself. I explained to Allison that we weren't trying to cater to Sarah--I would have had to bargain with her, anyways, to get her to watch the movie, and we didn't get pizza b/c Sarah wanted it--that was just easier and faster than me cooking. Allison got over it, though, and we all ate pizza and watched the whole movie ("Pitch Perfect"). The movie ended a little after 10 and Sarah went to bed as soon as it was done. I forgot to have her brush her hair and teeth before bed, but I figure if that's the worst part of the day, I didn't do too badly. Allison ended up apologizing to me for getting upset; I explained to her that Sarah is still fragile and I want to try to be gentle and delicate with her, so she doesn't get upset again. I wonder how long I'll feel like I have to be careful. Allison was in bed by 11:15--we did really well! I don't know the last time she went to bed that early!
All in all, it was a good day. Hoping tomorrow is even better (or at least just as good as today!).
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Day 3
I slept well last night. Called this morning to check on Sarah. They said she slept well, as far as they know, and is doing pretty good this morning. The man I spoke to was concerned that Sarah may be having issues with an active imagination b/c she told him her dad was in The Wizard of Oz. I reassured him that no, Sarah wasn't making that up, her dad really was in The Wizard of Oz, and that Sarah had been in several shows, as well. I asked if they were giving her anything for her cold, but he said he didn't think they were :( I again told them that problems from the cold (her feeling so bad) were what put her in there. I'll check at her meeting this afternoon to see what can be done about the cold/allergies. Brian called this morning finally--all he did was ask for the names of her psychiatrist and therapist, so he could set up Sarah's next appointment. I wish we knew more about what is going on...hopefully we'll find out more this afternoon at the meeting. Allison is going to go hang out with Abbie this afternoon after school, so Alan and I can go the meeting and then go visit with Sarah this evening. She's excited about that! Gotta run to Walmart soon, so I can try to find Sarah a bra and maybe some sweat pants??? Maybe a t-shirt. I didn't want to take any of her nice shirts, for fear of them not making it home. Wow! Tough to buy your daughter sweat pants and a bra when she's not with you ;)
Wow. May not need to go to Walmart after all. Dr. Devaraj just called a bit ago and thinks it would be in Sarah's best interest to discharge her. He thinks she's be better served by finishing up her treatment as outpatient and getting her back in her dance classes. He is concerned about the influence of the other patients' issues on Sarah, such as her roommate who has been cutting--definitely NOT a behavior we want her to emulate! He asked me how we thought she was doing--"We've only seen her for an hour; I'm not sure I can make an assessment from that amount of time." He told me we could see how we think she is doing when we come this afternoon--if we think she needs to stay, they can keep her for a couple more days. So, hmmm...wow. Not sure what to think. I really want her back home, but only if she's in a better frame of mind. I want to make sure she's ok. I don't want a repeat performance of Tuesday morning. Now, to work on the house a bit and get a schedule of some sort together--as Alan said, we don't want her to go from a strict schedule at the hospital to a "loosy goosy" schedule here at home. I definitely need more structure here!
So, Sarah is back home with us tonight! Went to our meeting at the hospital today, and got to speak with Dr. Devaraj and Gina L. Dr. D. feels like she is out of the "danger zone" and doesn't think she's going to do anything now. He was concerned with keeping her there, due to the influence of the other patients and he felt like being in the hospital was making her more anxious. He did warn her, however, that if she got home and tried anything else, she would be back in the hospital, for an extended period of time--most likely for longer than a week. Gina then spent a lot of time going over different coping mechanisms with Sarah. She had Sarah tell her different ideas of things she could do--things she had learned about while she was at Highland. I then showed Gina the schedule I had made up for tomorrow, to see how she thought it looked and see if she thought it was a good idea. We also went over it with Sarah, to see if it seemed reasonable to her. Sarah thought it was ok. I also showed Gina the New House Rules I came up with and we went over those with Sarah, too. Hoping that they will help keep things under control. We then went out in the hallway, so we could work on getting her discharged. Sarah introduced me to her roommate Sarah and a couple of other people (I remember the name Chase, but that's all I remember). Everyone was polite. I got teary....even though she was only there a short time, she had made some "friends" with the staff and patients--I hate goodbyes! Of course, the staff was concerned that I was teary and wanted to make sure I was ok. I reassured them I was, that I just cry easily. Sometimes I really hate that about myself! I then took care of Sarah's discharge papers while she got all her stuff packed up. I was able to keep myself under control while we said goodbye and thank you, and then left that world. Got back on the elevator and were escorted to the lobby to leave. It felt really strange walking to the car with Sarah, almost surreal. Not sure why. While I'm glad to have her back, I'm scared. I'm waiting for her to go back to where she was before she was admitted. I don't want to go back there. I am a stronger person now, though, and if there is a problem, I will take her back, because I know she needs help that I can't give her.
Sarah and I left and went back to Cross Lanes. We talked in the car about her stay. Talked about the other patients. Talked about things that had happened there. Talked about our expectations for her. Reminded her that things at home have to change. It was a good conversation.
We had to go to Kroger when we got to Cross Lanes, so I could get her new prescription filled and get something for dinner--her choice--Outback noodles. We had about a 20 minute wait for her prescription, so we just kind of wandered around the store together. It was still very surreal. We just walked around and looked at things. We got some candy for Allison--Sarah wanted to get it for her. She enjoyed looking at the Valentine's "stuff"--Valentines, candy, toys, etc. Kind of like being with a child. Very innocent. Very sweet. Shy, in a way, as though everything was new to her. We then went and rented "Hotel Transylvania" on Redbox (she had asked about it when we were walking towards the store, but I told her we'd have to wait till after we did what we needed to in the store). Then, we went home.
Allison still didn't know that Sarah had gotten to come home, so we decided to surprise her. I called Jamie and had him send Allison home. I got my phone out, so I could videotape her seeing Sarah when she walked in the house. I didn't get the reaction I was hoping for (excitement, joy)...she was really confused as to why Sarah was home, when it was supposed to take 5-7 days before she came home. She was glad to see her, though :) And, she loved the candy Sarah had gotten her! Of course, I had to take a picture of them together!
They each did their own thing for a bit, while I got the kitchen cleaned up, so I could fix dinner. Sarah went and laid on the couch in the den and watched tv, while Allison watched a show on the computer in the office. I also had Sarah empty out her backpack and put everything away. She did it without complaining or arguing. This is strange. Something I'm really not used to. It's like I brought home a different child, but she is still Sarah. It's strange. She seems almost fragile.
Sarah then asked if she could watch her movie. I told her to go ahead and start watching it without me. I asked Allison if she wanted to go watch it with her (even though she just saw it with Abigail). After a few minutes, she went and joined Sarah in the den and they watched the movie together. It was nice to hear them both in there laughing at the movie. They sat in there and watched the movie and ate dinner together. Nice. When the movie was over, Sarah asked if I wanted to come watch it with her now. Unfortunately, I told her, the movie was too long to sit and watch the whole thing again. She was a little disappointed, but she was ok with it. She decided to go on up to her room and lay on her bed, relax, and play her DS. I went up and checked on her, to make sure she was doing ok. Talked to her a bit and asked her if she was glad to be home. She said she was. I told her I loved her and had missed her being here, and she said she loved me, too, and had missed me. When I asked her why she had missed me, she told me it was because it was scary there and the bed wasn't very comfortable. :) I asked her if she needed anything, but she said she was ok. Her cold was bothering her a little, but she didn't want any kind of medicine for it. I went back downstairs to work on her laundry. When I went back to check on her a little later, she was sleeping peacefully. So nice to see. I pray that the peace continues for a very long time, both sleeping and waking!
I want her to be ok. I want to believe she's going to be ok. Right now, though, it's hard. It's so hard to have seen your daughter at a point where she's holding a knife in her hand, thinking things are bad enough to kill herself. Even if she wasn't serious about it, and who knows if she was or wasn't, it's still a scary thing. I pray that I can sleep tonight, but don't know if I can or not. I We have a long, unknown future ahead of me us. That's a scary thought. What will tomorrow hold? Will she be ok all day? Will she be herself? Is she going to meltdown on me? Get angry? Cry? Will I cry? Probably. I have cried many tears for these 3 days...3 very long days...I am sure there are going to be many more. I feel like I'm living on borrowed time with her right now. I pray that she'll be here for many, many more years with us, though. I have to hope and believe that healing will come.
Wow. May not need to go to Walmart after all. Dr. Devaraj just called a bit ago and thinks it would be in Sarah's best interest to discharge her. He thinks she's be better served by finishing up her treatment as outpatient and getting her back in her dance classes. He is concerned about the influence of the other patients' issues on Sarah, such as her roommate who has been cutting--definitely NOT a behavior we want her to emulate! He asked me how we thought she was doing--"We've only seen her for an hour; I'm not sure I can make an assessment from that amount of time." He told me we could see how we think she is doing when we come this afternoon--if we think she needs to stay, they can keep her for a couple more days. So, hmmm...wow. Not sure what to think. I really want her back home, but only if she's in a better frame of mind. I want to make sure she's ok. I don't want a repeat performance of Tuesday morning. Now, to work on the house a bit and get a schedule of some sort together--as Alan said, we don't want her to go from a strict schedule at the hospital to a "loosy goosy" schedule here at home. I definitely need more structure here!
So, Sarah is back home with us tonight! Went to our meeting at the hospital today, and got to speak with Dr. Devaraj and Gina L. Dr. D. feels like she is out of the "danger zone" and doesn't think she's going to do anything now. He was concerned with keeping her there, due to the influence of the other patients and he felt like being in the hospital was making her more anxious. He did warn her, however, that if she got home and tried anything else, she would be back in the hospital, for an extended period of time--most likely for longer than a week. Gina then spent a lot of time going over different coping mechanisms with Sarah. She had Sarah tell her different ideas of things she could do--things she had learned about while she was at Highland. I then showed Gina the schedule I had made up for tomorrow, to see how she thought it looked and see if she thought it was a good idea. We also went over it with Sarah, to see if it seemed reasonable to her. Sarah thought it was ok. I also showed Gina the New House Rules I came up with and we went over those with Sarah, too. Hoping that they will help keep things under control. We then went out in the hallway, so we could work on getting her discharged. Sarah introduced me to her roommate Sarah and a couple of other people (I remember the name Chase, but that's all I remember). Everyone was polite. I got teary....even though she was only there a short time, she had made some "friends" with the staff and patients--I hate goodbyes! Of course, the staff was concerned that I was teary and wanted to make sure I was ok. I reassured them I was, that I just cry easily. Sometimes I really hate that about myself! I then took care of Sarah's discharge papers while she got all her stuff packed up. I was able to keep myself under control while we said goodbye and thank you, and then left that world. Got back on the elevator and were escorted to the lobby to leave. It felt really strange walking to the car with Sarah, almost surreal. Not sure why. While I'm glad to have her back, I'm scared. I'm waiting for her to go back to where she was before she was admitted. I don't want to go back there. I am a stronger person now, though, and if there is a problem, I will take her back, because I know she needs help that I can't give her.
Sarah and I left and went back to Cross Lanes. We talked in the car about her stay. Talked about the other patients. Talked about things that had happened there. Talked about our expectations for her. Reminded her that things at home have to change. It was a good conversation.
We had to go to Kroger when we got to Cross Lanes, so I could get her new prescription filled and get something for dinner--her choice--Outback noodles. We had about a 20 minute wait for her prescription, so we just kind of wandered around the store together. It was still very surreal. We just walked around and looked at things. We got some candy for Allison--Sarah wanted to get it for her. She enjoyed looking at the Valentine's "stuff"--Valentines, candy, toys, etc. Kind of like being with a child. Very innocent. Very sweet. Shy, in a way, as though everything was new to her. We then went and rented "Hotel Transylvania" on Redbox (she had asked about it when we were walking towards the store, but I told her we'd have to wait till after we did what we needed to in the store). Then, we went home.
Allison still didn't know that Sarah had gotten to come home, so we decided to surprise her. I called Jamie and had him send Allison home. I got my phone out, so I could videotape her seeing Sarah when she walked in the house. I didn't get the reaction I was hoping for (excitement, joy)...she was really confused as to why Sarah was home, when it was supposed to take 5-7 days before she came home. She was glad to see her, though :) And, she loved the candy Sarah had gotten her! Of course, I had to take a picture of them together!
They each did their own thing for a bit, while I got the kitchen cleaned up, so I could fix dinner. Sarah went and laid on the couch in the den and watched tv, while Allison watched a show on the computer in the office. I also had Sarah empty out her backpack and put everything away. She did it without complaining or arguing. This is strange. Something I'm really not used to. It's like I brought home a different child, but she is still Sarah. It's strange. She seems almost fragile.
Sarah then asked if she could watch her movie. I told her to go ahead and start watching it without me. I asked Allison if she wanted to go watch it with her (even though she just saw it with Abigail). After a few minutes, she went and joined Sarah in the den and they watched the movie together. It was nice to hear them both in there laughing at the movie. They sat in there and watched the movie and ate dinner together. Nice. When the movie was over, Sarah asked if I wanted to come watch it with her now. Unfortunately, I told her, the movie was too long to sit and watch the whole thing again. She was a little disappointed, but she was ok with it. She decided to go on up to her room and lay on her bed, relax, and play her DS. I went up and checked on her, to make sure she was doing ok. Talked to her a bit and asked her if she was glad to be home. She said she was. I told her I loved her and had missed her being here, and she said she loved me, too, and had missed me. When I asked her why she had missed me, she told me it was because it was scary there and the bed wasn't very comfortable. :) I asked her if she needed anything, but she said she was ok. Her cold was bothering her a little, but she didn't want any kind of medicine for it. I went back downstairs to work on her laundry. When I went back to check on her a little later, she was sleeping peacefully. So nice to see. I pray that the peace continues for a very long time, both sleeping and waking!
I want her to be ok. I want to believe she's going to be ok. Right now, though, it's hard. It's so hard to have seen your daughter at a point where she's holding a knife in her hand, thinking things are bad enough to kill herself. Even if she wasn't serious about it, and who knows if she was or wasn't, it's still a scary thing. I pray that I can sleep tonight, but don't know if I can or not.
Day 2
Got a phone call from the hospital this morning--they said the doctor, Dr. Deveraj (?) wanted to put Sarah on Lexapro and needed my approval. I told them, if the doctor thinks that's what she needs to be on, then go ahead and do it. Silly me, though, forgot to ask how Sarah did overnight. So, I called back and asked how she did (talked to the same person I had hung up with a bit earlier)--she slept all night--hallelujah! I was so afraid she would have nightmares and get scared! Phew! Then, I got Sarah's school stuff together for Alan to take down to the hospital for her. Got a sweet email from Christy S.--I had emailed her last night to tell her what was going on. She then sent another email a bit later saying she felt like she needed to come up and be with me this weekend. I told her I didn't know if it was necessary--even though all this is going on, life marches on, and ours is supposed to be busy this weekend. I told her I'd leave it up to her and we could talk about it on the phone later in the afternoon.
Later, as I was getting ready to leave to go to the orthodontist (for the appt I missed yesterday), Gina called to set up a time for our first Family Meeting. I suggested 2:00, trying to think of what Alan had going on. He has a meeting, but it should be over by 12. Also, while I was in the shower before I left, Ben called and left a message for me to call him back about Sarah's discharge procedures and post-psychiatric care. I called him back while I was on my way to the orthodontist, but he couldn't talk then. No problem--I was just calling to tell him I couldn't talk right now, either, and that I would call him after I got home. I called a couple of times and left a message, but didn't hear back from him--hopefully, he'll call back tomorrow (ok, today, since it IS 2am now...sigh). Then, I started thinking, why did I schedule Family Meeting time for 2? We can't go see Sarah until 6. So, called Gina back to try to reschedule. I finally got her back on the phone this evening after I left the hospital. Changed the meeting to 4pm :)
Once I left the orthodontist (in the pouring down rain!), Allison and I ran to Staples to pick up a couple of things, then went to the Dollar Store to look for a calendar for my door organizer. No luck on the calendar, but we did find a teddy bear that she wanted to get for Sarah...awww!!! (Got one for Allison, too--only $1!) Then, I took Allison to the Asian Buffet for lunch--I felt like she deserved a special treat for being so mature about everything that is happening. Unfortunately, I wasn't much of a conversationalist at lunch--I just had too much on my mind with Sarah. Lunch was pretty good, but we decided we like Hibachi better ;)
After lunch, we went back out in the pouring down rain. Was going to go to Walmart to look for a few things, clothes-wise, to take to Sarah at the hospital, but wanted to get home to call Christy and LeAnn, who had heard from Alan a little bit about what was going on. Had an awesome conversation with both Christy and LeAnn--I'm so blessed with such wonderful friends!!! Thank you, Lord!!! Got a bit of work done during this time, too, then it was almost time to take Allison to dance....oh, wait! I almost forgot! Sarah's clothes for the hospital! I ran upstairs...then back downstairs, so I could run the dryer some more...then back upstairs, to pack some things for her. Hmmm...most of her clothes either wouldn't work, due to hospital regulations on clothes, or were nice enough that I didn't want to take them to the hospital, for fear of not seeing them again. Hmmm...take Allison to dance, then run to Gabe's or KMart to see if they have anything I could take to her.
Off to dance. Dropped Allison off (15 minutes late!). Yikes! Not much time for clothes shopping! I decided to hit KMart, rather than Gabe's, simply b/c Gabe's is so large, it takes a long time to find what you want there...I didn't have time! Ran to KMart, just down the street. Mom called while I was there, and I talked to her while I shopped--she had called and told Kathy and Nicole what was going on. Left KMart a few minutes later, empty-handed. Hung up with Mom, so I could get to the hospital...it was almost 6:00, and I didn't want to be late!
When I came into the hospital, of course, I had to go to the bathroom. Then, I went to the desk and asked about the procedure. The lady said she recognized me and knew who I was, but they had to have Sarah's ID #--protocol. Fortunately, I had put it in my phone, so I wouldn't lose it. They weren't quite ready to take the "visitors" upstairs when I arrived (the kids weren't back on the floor from dinner), but we went up a few minutes later. I was anxious to see how Sarah would be when I got there. Once I had turned in her suitcase for approval, I signed in and waited for her to be brought out. She came out a minute later with a smile on her face and came over and hugged me! I just didn't know what her reaction was going to be--would she be angry with me for putting her there? Would she cry and beg me to take her home? Would she be ok? SO glad for the great reaction! She then took me to her room, as though she'd been there for a long time. As we walked past a couple of girls, she spoke to them by name--she had met people! Yesterday, she had told me she didn't like meeting new people, so I told her not to introduce herself to anyone. What else do you say? So glad that she had met people! She also had a roommate, whose name is also Sarah! My Sarah told me that her roommates birthday is this Saturday and that she (her roommate) was sad she would be in the hospital over her birthday, especially since she was supposed to go to NY for her birthday :( My Sarah said she wished she could bring cupcakes to Sarah for her birthday (no food allowed, unfortunately). I told her that maybe she could sing Happy Birthday to her. Sarah said she didn't know if she would still be there to do that--she thinks she may get to go home on Friday; she told the doctor that she has a ballet rehearsal on Saturday that she needs to go to. She then showed me the drawing that her roommate did on the wall--one wall has chalkboard paint on it--very cool! I stepped out to check on something that I had brought to Sarah and Alan had arrived. Sarah took us both back to her room. Oh, yes, her bed was now made--I had her make it (I know it's supposed to be made)--she said it was unmade b/c she had been resting in her bed a bit ago ;)
Alan brought in a card from Darlene and a card from himself, and I got the cards out of her suitcase from her ballet class and from Allison. They had to take Allison's off the bracelet it was hanging on (policy). Unfortunately, she couldn't keep the stuffed bear that Allison sent--no stuffed animals on Level 1. Sarah sat all of her cards neatly on the table by her bed after reading them (the nurse had to check them to make sure they were all appropriate). We then talked about her day (and the night before)--she was up a lot during the night, blowing her nose, which kept her roommate awake (kind of). She and her roommate were both awake around 6am and Sarah said she even saw some of the sunrise out her window. Apparently, someone came and took blood from her this morning, too, which, of course, almost made her sick (she does NOT do well with this). Then a man (don't remember his name) came around and woke everyone up at 7:45am! I know she was hating this! She went to breakfast with everyone, but didn't like what they were having (scrambled eggs w/ cheese baked on top)--she had toast. At some point today, she also had a couple pieces of bread and some Mandarin oranges. Well, at least she's eating a little bit! Other activities she told us she did--school (she didn't get to do the work I sent; the teacher didn't realize it was there); recreation (she watched others play pool); arts & crafts (she didn't make anything--she was getting ready to and someone came and got her to talk to her--Gina???); group therapy, where they had to tell everyone why they were there (very proud of her for being able to vocalize her actions); she talked to her doctor; she talked to Gina; her new medicine; she spent some time just hanging out in her room doing nothing; she's read her paperwork twice; and I guess she rested some, too (I know she did--when I called to check on her this morning, the nurse told me she was resting). The nurse brought in the clothes that Sarah could keep there--a few of the things I brought were not approved, so I need to hit Walmart tomorrow for a couple of things--no underwire bras, no yoga pants (Sarah's favorite thing to wear!). Sarah told us she wants to go home, so she can sleep in her own bed, with her own pillow (I can't bring her pillow to her), but we reminded her that she can't come home until she's all better--she seemed to understand. Alan brought along some cards, in case she wanted to play cards, but she didn't feel like it. I also tried to put her earrings back in her ears, to see if the holes had closed up--sadly, they already had :( I'll keep the earrings and hopefully, the pediatrician will put them back in and not charge me full price. I also checked with the nurses to see if they were giving her or could give her something for her cold, especially when it is what put her in the hospital! They talked about possibilites--I hope they figured out something to give her, so she can sleep better tonight! We sat and chit-chatted for the rest of the time. I was able to get a picture of her--I decided to do it b/c she was sitting there smiling--so glad to see her happy! I'll have to try to load the picture in later ;) All too soon, it was 7:00, time for us to go. Sarah hugged and kissed us good-bye. I was very proud of myself for not crying! We rolled out her suitcase with us, with the "inappropriate" items inside. I'll try to bring the stuffed animals back again, in case they let her have them ;)
As soon as I got to the car, Gina called--we were able to reschedule tomorrow's appt for 4pm, instead of 2, which means I won't have to stay in Kanawha City for as long betweeen her appt and visiting hours. :) Then, went back to dance studio to pick up Allison and tell Kristen and Kara what was going on. I also decided to tell Grace W-M, since she and Sarah are best friends and don't like to keep secrets from each other. I was so glad I had taken the picture of Sarah, b/c I was able to show Grace that Sarah is doing ok :) Also talked to Susan W-M about everything and felt even better after all her reassurances. Before we left the dance studio, Sarah called me. She hadn't thought she could make a phone call, since she is on Level 1, but the nurse said she can, that these poor kids come in, are told all that they can't do b/c they're on Level 1, and they don't think they can do anything. She said she would let Sarah know she could make a phone call. Anyways, she called--actually, "Brenda" called and said she had Sarah there, who wanted to talk to me, so I accepted the call. She says, "Hey, can you bring my black makeup bag with all my makeup when you come back?" Glad it was something normal she said when she called! I asked her which makeup she wanted (I know they won't let me bring in that huge bag w/ a mirror on it) and she said all of it. I'll figure out something else to put it in ;) I asked her if she wanted to talk to Allison, but she said, "No." When I asked her why, she said, "It'll make me cry." Awww, she does love and miss her sister! Knowing that Allison wanted to talk to her, I told Sarah, "No, you won't cry, you'll be fine. Just say Hi to her." She agreed and I called Allison over. They chatted for a couple of minutes--Allison asked her if she was ok and if she was having fun. Then she gave the phone back to me, so I could make sure Sarah didn't need anything else, and make sure she wasn't crying (she wasn't, thank goodness!). Said I'd see her tomorrow and I missed her and love her. Also told her that Grace W-M said Hi and that she misses her--that made Sarah feel good ("awww!"). Said good-bye again and love you; she said I love you, too.
We left, picked up McD's for Allison, and went home to finish the evening. The late night ended with a session with Allison discussing all of her fears and worries in life...phew! My poor baby! The thoughts the poor child has! Say an extra prayer for her, too! She's always been my worry wart :(
My thoughts on the day--another exhausting emotional day. I've cried a lot of tears today, but most of them have not been about Sarah--I know she's where she belongs! We pray that this helps her to make some really positive changes in her life! The tears I've cried today have been shed because of all the people who have told me they are praying for me, for Sarah, for my family, reassuring us that we've made the right decision; that Christy was willing to come here to be with me; that my friends care about us so much. Tonight, I feel no fear or apprehension about Sarah--I know it's because of all the prayers that have been sent up for all of us! I know, 100%, that I made the right decision when we had her admitted to the hospital, as hard as it was to do. I pray that this hospital stay will make her a more confident person, help her to have better coping skills, give her a desire to better herself, and help her realize how loved she is and how wrong it would be to end her life. With that, I will sign off here, now that it's 3:15am--WAY past time for bed!!! I know I will be able to go to bed and sleep peacefully...we're covered in prayer and love!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
The Beginning
It’s been a long, tough
day. We’ve really had some issues with Sarah lately and things went from
bad to worse today. This morning, she threatened to kill herself and
grabbed a steak knife in the kitchen. We put her in the mental hospital
today, for her safety.
Things
have been piling up on her for a few months or so. She’s always had a
difficult time coping with things, as you well know. We’ll go back to
September—when we went to Disney, she developed a crush on my boss’s son (a
year younger than her). Unfortunately, he only wanted to be friends,
which makes sense, since he lives in Texas and we live in West Virginia.
She seemed to be taking it ok, but then after we returned home, I discovered
how devastated she was. Poor thing is 15 and just wants a boyfriend so
badly! Josh was nice to her, so she took that as him liking her (as more
than friends). I thought we had worked through that, but things about it
still come up occasionally.
Back
around Thanksgiving, Sarah started complaining of stomachaches. We had
recently upped her Prozac, and I wondered it that had something to do with
it. Then, one day, she went up to her room upset and said she was sad and
would never be happy again and refused to leave her room. After I talked
with her for about 20 minutes or so, never getting an answer from her about why
she was so sad, she suddenly got up, left her room, went downstairs, walked out
the front door, walked down the street and around the corner! I yelled to
her to come back, but she didn’t. I ran in the house and got Alan and he
jumped in the car and followed her. He got her in the car and they went
and drove around and talked for a while. She came back, went back up to
her room, and then came back down about 15 minutes later, happy, as though
nothing had happened??? I decided right then to take her off of the
Prozac. Probably shouldn’t have done it cold-turkey, but it seemed like
the right thing to do at the time.
She
seemed to do really well after that, and was in a much better mood. Her
psychiatrist was encouraged by this and took her off another of her
medications, since it was a low dose. He wanted to see how she would do
without it. We were excited, because she wasn’t on as much medicine and
seemed to be doing really well. Except for her stomachache—it never
really seemed to go away. It didn’t last all day, but was a come-and-go
thing. I took her to the pediatrician about it, and he suggested we try
some Prilosec for a month or so, to see if it would help. Unfortunately,
it didn’t. So, he prescribed another medication, which she has been
taking for a couple of weeks now. I’m not sure if the new medicine is
working or not, because she came down with a bad cold.
Hence,
the last few days. Phew! Sarah is not good at being sick! She
has complained a few times about her stomach hurting and said maybe she should
kill herself and put herself out of her misery. We’ve gotten after her
several times, and told her that saying something like that could put her in
the hospital, because we never know if she’s telling the truth or not (us and
her psychologist and psychiatrist). Being sick from this horrible cold
has made her miserable! Poor thing has just been feeling horrible!
Runny, stuffy nose; cough; sore throat L
Saturday
night, she took a shower and was trying to brush her hair (which has gotten
quite long, BTW); it was full of tangles L This made her really mad. I came up to try to help,
and we ended up in a long discussion about her thinking that she didn’t deserve
to live (because of several “bad” things that she has done) and that she was
going to go to hell because of all these bad things she had done. Alan
and I reassured her that she didn’t go to heaven or hell b/c of the good or bad
things she’s done, but could go to heaven by simply believing that Jesus had
died on the cross for her sins. She didn’t pray then, but did seriously
consider what we told her. We also had some discussion then about my brother passing away--why did he have to die, why couldn't anyone help him, why can't he come back, I miss him. I know that somewhere in there, too, are the feelings that she harbors from people in the past and present who tease her, make fun of her, etc, as well as wishing she had more friends. Because of all this, she got to bed really
late, and then woke up at around 6am coughing, so I let her stay home from
church that morning and sleep. She seemed ok that afternoon, a bit of a
runny nose and still tired, but ok. She started feeling bad again Monday
night, and made the comment that she should just put herself out misery and
kill herself. We tried not to make a serious deal about it and tried to
cheer her up.
This
morning, she woke up feeling horrible! Congested cough, runny nose….just
yucky! She woke up yelling and crying (the way we all wish we could if we
feel really bad) and then said she was just going to kill herself, so she
didn’t have to deal with being sick anymore. She walked into the kitchen,
grabbed one of my steak knives, and told me, “you better not take it away from
me!” I did anyways. I calmed her down and promised her I would get
her some stronger medicine for her cough. I had Allison come down and
keep an eye on Sarah while I ran to the store for Sarah’s medicine (I grabbed
all the sharp knives and hid them in the garage before I left). She was
much better, emotion-wise, by this time. Back to her normal, happy self.
However,
we had a psychologist appt. scheduled for 1pm today. I had to tell her
what had happened. She and the psychiatrist (and I) knew it was time to
hospitalize Sarah. I knew it was coming. It was a necessary
thing. She cried and cried, telling us she was sorry, she promised she
wouldn’t do it again, etc., but I know that as soon as we got home and
something “bad” happened, it could happen again, and I may not be lucky enough
to stop her. Maybe she wouldn’t really do it, but I didn’t want to find
out.
This
has been one of the hardest days of my life. I know it was the right
thing to do, though. I want my baby to get better. I want her to be
safe. I want her to be ok. I want her to be with us to see us grow
old.
Please
keep her and us in your prayers as we enter this time of healing for all of
us. She is hopefully going to be back home with us within a week. I
know this is going to be a long road, though. We do get to go visit her
every day, as long as she is staying with the program. They are teaching
her how to better cope with life’s difficulties and stresses. Pray for
Allison, too—this is a long time to be without her sister—they’ve never been
apart for more than a night. Unfortunately, Allison is not old enough to
go visit Sarah, unless we can get special permission.
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